stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
