3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
