You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize
