I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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