Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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