Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
