Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
