I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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