I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
