Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
i now understand why vodka
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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