Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
