Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
