i can't believe i had my finger in that
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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