Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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