Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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