I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
