Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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