I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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