Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
