He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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