Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
