my phone needs a breathalizer
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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