Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
