Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
