I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
