my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
