you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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