We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
