so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
