If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
