You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Barsexuality is the new black.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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