Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
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He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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