So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
