It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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