Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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