Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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