it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
