im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
