she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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