i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
