I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
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I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
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I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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