I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize