actually, I'm a sock model
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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