Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
