You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
