She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
