Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i just google imaged poop.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
