like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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