The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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