Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
