My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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