He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Randomize
