Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
