How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
