That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
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