He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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