There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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