i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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