I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
