dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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