he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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