Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
