The maid of honor just puked.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
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