She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
