What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
