My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
