what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
