How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
