never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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