Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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