I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
