How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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