oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
