He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
