Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
