It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
