It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
