I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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