Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
We had sex on a dog bed..
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
