I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
