The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
