he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
